Monday, August 29, 2011

Customer Service, Part 2


This guy was a real peach.  It was the beginning of December; the end of the week, the middle of the evening rush and it felt like the whole city was shopping inside our store all at once.  He was six-foot-six, 350lbs. and full to bursting with panicked insecurity.  His wife and son cowered close behind him as he walked in the front door and marched against the line through the cash registers, stopped at each cashier, interrupted their customers and shouted at them: “CAN YOU HELP ME?”  They all had to refuse him.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Your book won't change my life


“The book you hold is quite possibly the most important confrontation with truth you’ll hear in your lifetime.”  Bait of Satan by John Bevere, p. vii.

“The book you have in your hand, Crazy Love, may just be the most challenging book outside of God’s Word you will read this year. (And for a few more years to come for that matter.)”  Crazy Love by Francis Chan, introduction by Chris Tomlin, p. 15.    

“With in these pages, you will find seven simple, yet profound, steps to improve your life, regardless of your current level of success or lack of it.”  Your Best Life Now by Joel Osteen, p. x.

This has got to stop.

Monday, August 15, 2011

I have no self-discipline.


I love chocolate.  I love my couch.  I love cable television.  I love playing mindless video games for hours to shut my brain off and not have to think about my problems.  I am indulgent and sensual, and I get the impression that this is considered sinful in Christianity.  The Bible warns over and over of the dangers of gluttony, sloth, self-indulgence and dissipation, and I agree. 

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Customer Service, Part 1


I work at a book store.  I stock the magazines, but I also do all kinds of other things around the store, like talk to customers.  To be perfectly honest, the customers are not my favorite part of the job.  I am introverted, and talking to people all day is very tiring.  And some customers are more tiring than others.  But every once in a while, a customer can surprise you.

I hate evangelism.


Even on my best days I can be charitably described as ‘socially awkward’.  When I take spiritual gifts tests (like career aptitude tests for Christians, except we don’t get paid for this stuff) Evangelism is always my second-lowest score.  Only Mercy is lower, God help me.  Every formula or system I’ve been taught to use in spiritual conversations has rung hollow, and the concept of friendship or intentional evangelism makes me feel like a con artist.  So overall, I’m not winning many souls to the Kingdom.

I have big boobs.


I have big boobs.  I know, this is the internet, ‘pics or it didn’t happen.’  But I’m a writer, not a photographer, so good luck with that.  If you are a woman with big boobs, you know that for all the rewards of being well-endowed, there are technical, logistical issues that require almost constant attention to maintain modesty and dignity in everyday life.  Diamonds be damned, a good bra is a girl’s best friend.