I'm just not good enough.

Job 6:11, Romans 5: 1-9, 2 Corinthians 12: 9

Facing setbacks is never fun, and feeling stuck in one area of your life can slowly suck the joy from every other part as well.  We often blame ourselves when circumstances turn against us, out of pride, ego, and convenience.  After all, its your life, who else do you have to blame but yourself?


Sometimes we choose to blame God for our troubles.  After all, if He's in charge of the universe, and in charge of our lives if we've given them to Him, then why doesn't he exercise that control?  Why doesn't He just fix things?

Outside forces also play their parts in our little dramas.  The economy, the government, discrimination, reverse discrimination, the vast right-wing conspiracy, the left-wing liberal media bias, the freemasons, etc...

Those nearest and dearest also take blame for our unhappiness.  My mother was abusive,  my father was absent, if my wife could be more..., if my husband would just do..., and my kids are driving me crazy.  Don't even get me started on my in-laws.

My tendency is to try to blame myself when things go wrong, because of the aforementioned pride and ego thing, and lately I've really been taking it on the chin for myself.  Not fun.  I feel very, very 'not good enough'.  Very helpless and not in control of my own life.  Every area of life feels contaminated by failure, and every bad habit waits like a wolf at the door.

I'm sorry about that last paragraph.  Now we can add 'self-indulgent' to the list as well.  I know spring and Easter are supposed to be a time of hope, so here it is: when you hit bottom, there's nowhere to go but up.  Let's just hope to God we get to the bottom of things soon, because it sucks down here and I want to get going in the opposite direction.

I hope that knowing I'm not good enough will help me stop trying to control things I can't.  I hope it will show me where I need to change.  I hope it will help me trust more deeply in God, and I hope that trust will pay off.  I hope this grace thing is real, because I heard a rumor that 'not good enough' is exactly what God wants most from us.